I’m Pretty Sure 

I’m pretty sure when Jesus said turn the other cheek. He didn’t mean Don’t notice that you have been hit. The problem is that with victims of NPD abuse. They are wired not to notice. And when it gets so bad that they can’t help but notice. They are wired to quickly forget. And then encouraged thru basic manipulation tactics to fall back in line with their programming. 
I saw the beginning of an email I didn’t read. 

It was an email on Joe Dispenza and in the subject was just something like

“There are no victims”

I think I’ve heard Joe on this subject before. 

The nutshell of which is just. Probably in keeping with all of his teachings. 

” your personality creates your personal reality. ”

I believe that. I think I’ve gone on and on about how I believe that in several posts.
Here’s the thing. Dr Joe no matter how dope he is. Ain’t fucking around at all in the realms covert emotional abuse. Neither really are Buddhist teachings. Humans are evolving. So is the spectrum of our behavior. Some of the places this abuse hides out is in otherwise very sound new age teachings which absolves everything. Cause everything is nothing and on and on ….

We aren’t debating anymore the wide range of this behavior being clocked and discovered all over the place lately. And in that context I want my “friend” who sent me that email to consider this hypothetical for a second. 
I want them to imagine that  they have  a friend who was a woman and who was brutally raped and then had the courage to not only give voice to what happened to her. But also call out publicly the people who did this to her. In that hypothetical situation. I wonder on a scale of one to ten how insensitive sending an email like that might be. “There are no victims”

Really? No ones getting raped. 

No victims. 

Really? No ones getting murdered

No victims?

Really people aren’t throwing their lives away just to avoid footloose beach?  
There are victims. 

And I was a victim, ironically enough, until I gave voice to my experience. That’s when I stopped becoming a victim. 

That’s the first time I was no longer a victim but took my power back and gave the shame back to its rightful owners. 
Redistribution of shame. 
And that’s when the sick ones will accuse you of being sick. 
But we can over ride their ignorance. 

Especially if we all stand up. 
These basic dumb tactics they use can be like dust on a dirty car against the hose of our expression. 

There are no victims. 

So you who sent that email shouldn’t feel victimized. When I say. I think you’re a total fucking idiot. 
No victims. 

What Dr. Joe meant in that scenario was this. I believe. 
Don’t lay around getting fat and saying you’re a victim and fall into your depression. 
That type of shit you half wit. 
Claiming your experience is the polar opposite of that. 

Of course many won’t understand that and you’ll have to endure the insensitivity of fools. 

Oh yes you will🙉🙈🙊

But if we all step out. Here and now we can evoke major change and make the idiots swallow their fear based nonsense like the poison it is. 

And let it poison them. 

Let them either deal with what they’re avoiding. Or let them perish. But don’t answer them and unless you have a blog and want to use them to make a point. 🕷Ignore them entirely. Let their hot air dissipate back into the nothing it always was. 
There are no victims. 
Really?
Yes there are. 

Jesus said turn the other cheek. He didn’t say 

Don’t wipe the blood off your face. 

He didn’t say let them keep hitting you. 

He never said. 

Make sure you put yourself in the position to keep getting brutalized. 

There are no victims. So I know you won’t be offended friend. No need to worry I guess. 

I had to work on getting the courage to give voice to my experience. I had to work harder on that than any record I made. And that’s a work I have to keep doing. Until society and people start to look at these structures of abuse in a realistic way. Until people giving voices to stories like mine become common place. 

So that future victims of these crimes. Yes VICTIMS. Of these crimes don’t get absurdly offensive and insensitive emails like I get as described. 
I know victims. Several of them. They’re all afraid to call out their abusers. All of them are. 

I’m not. 

I did. 

And I’m good with that decision. I stand by it. 
Here’s a few amendments I wish to make quickly if I can. 
A)the movie stars son where the cocaine was procured. In the heat of the writing moment I made The mistake to identify the movie star. No need to name innocents. But on that front important to note. The psychopath is a pathological liar. In the community of recovery I’m in. It’s know that if a narcs mouth is moving they are lying. So. I probably was lied to then and there too. I won’t rename the movie star. Don’t want to make that same mistake twice. But I wanted to make amends for that. If possible. 
B) Droll. It might not have ever been attached to my vette when I had it. 

For clarity on this story you’ll have to read the blog. I’m not gonna retell any part when making amends. Just that I don’t think upon further reflection that that was any twisted joke and in fact I can’t even really remember if that was my license plate ever or just my dads. That’s a small point anyway and changes nothing of the structure of what I said here. But I want to be as fair as I can. Tell as much of the truth as I need to in order to move on. Besides. In my family. No one was joking. 
C) it’s not me to dis another’s artwork. Whatever I said about my sisters work was meant to illustrate a character who in my experience has been taking the swipes at me as I described. Art envy could have been seen as part of the motivation. My friends often comment on how jealous she is/was. I always defended her until it got as bad as it got. That being said. I think she is talented and if she worked hard now could very much find success in that realm. 

That’s my conscience cleared for now. 
Honestly I don’t really know how to express the difference you feel when you give voice to your experience. It’s night and day. 

Those meditations on stopping self sabotage this one in particular

 really knocked me out. I remember the first time I listen to it it was like exactly what I needed to hear. The main crux of which was that holding back your expression was the same thing as stopping the universe from experiencing itself through you which is the point. I can attest to this. actually this blog can attest to this as it really has been an echo maze in that it keeps leading me back into it. The further into it I get  and I keep trying to write my way out of it but just keep going further into it the more I try to write my way out of it. The more I write my way into it. And that’s the universe experiencing itself questioning itself. Trying to figure itself out. we are all our own universe really that’s what you finally got to understand. When you cut off your expression you cut the universe off at its knees. I feel like I’m only just now starting to live my life. In some kind of way I think that’s true. 

The meditation about stopping self sabotage I still listen to it a lot

 one part I really like is when he says 
if youre holding yourself back you’re holding out on all of us. 

 that really resonates and it resonates to me now more than ever feels wonderful to be able to just express who I am freely and not apologize (much😜) or worry about it. 

The places that you feel lighter and more at peace other people can’t reach.  where you really feel the benefit of letting your expression it really is beyond outside approval or disapproval. Because only you know the luxury you’ve given yourself. Only you can feel the extra space you have to breath. 

So regardless of whatever people think about whatever your expression needs to be. 

after you’ve let it go you’ll understand from a place no one else can,

You’ll know that it couldn’t have happened any other way.

4 Comments on “I’m Pretty Sure 

  1. I hear you Jo and I can see you clearly. I loved this meditation you shared. The music in the background is Healing Earth by Anugama, it’s considered a healing earth frequency 7.83Hz. I play with different frequencies for healing or unblocking stuck energies. You probably know this already, I just heard the music and recognized how helpful it has been for me this year. Just playing it in the background calms my mind sometimes.
    p.s. I’m glad you’re still blogging, I would honestly miss your writing, it’s so beautiful.

    Like

    • Caro Josefo
      As a preacher’s kid…..carrying chains and shackles for nearly a half a century,that comparatively make the {Ghost of Christmas Past’s} look like ribbons,your blog continues daily to speak to me,in a myriad of countless ways..
      It is searingly enlightening,your saying that when Jesus said “turn the other cheek”….that He didn’t mean (not to wipe the blood off your face)….this alone,is mind-altering….
      Thank you-thank-you ..for taking the time to help us all,who so vastly need it..
      Paul

      Liked by 3 people

  2. Some Bible enthusiasts believe that when Jesus says specifically (and I’m paraprasing- bad Jesus girl) “if someone hits you on the right cheek, turn the other (left) cheek to him also” he said the right cheek first because that would be hit with the left (traditionally weaker) fist. So he says, “turn the other cheek also,” meaning the left, to be hit even harder with the right fist (traditionally dominant). Almost like a “COME AT ME, BRO!” thing. I believe this theory because stepping out in faith is gonna cause people to want to knock you down. People fucking with one another will never stop. But if you’ve got the armor on, you can turn the other cheek and still be standing.

    Like

  3. So, I’ve read this post through twice.
    I really struggle with the idea that there are no victims. I’ve tried to look at it from different angles– walk in the shoes of others – and I can’t get there.
    Because I do agree there are victims.
    And the mere thought of trying to be convinced otherwise feels like a violation.
    I do agree our personality informs much of our relality- but so do our experiences with other human beings. And if their reality is distorted, self-centered or disturbed it is quite possible to disrupt our reality- especially for those of us who are open or optimistic about other humans and want to see the best in others.
    Best to stick with the healthy beings of the world who only try (and want) to lift us up. I only want cheerleaders in my life from now on!
    Phew

    Like

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