For those of us raised to feel like we don’t matter. It takes superhuman courage to start to stand up for yourself. Just basically that takes an act of heroism equal to ten men. You have to buck hardwired programming. That lies to you and tells you that if you stand up for yourself. That if you demand to be treated as an equal. It tells you that everything will be destroyed. All of your small hold on whatever small reality you have. In order for you to bypass that. In order for you to stand up for yourself. You will have to implode and explode all the very fortresses that make up your idea of self. Essentially in a deep way. You will have to die first. Your body won’t have to die. But you will. And it won’t be pretty. It won’t feel good. It won’t feel “spiritual ” (at least not at first)It will feel unfair. It will feel earth shattering. It will feel absurd and cruel. It will feel all alone. Totally alone. A death alone. That’s where you have to go. And the longer you avoid it. The more you will stack up people and situations in your life to push you in that direction. But you won’t know you’re doing that. You’ll just think that just you’re trying to have a life. While secretly knowing the bullshit you’re doing. Whatever that bullshit may be as there are many very entertaining varieties of bullshit, which I still count myself a fan of, but just not where they take you.
But you’ll start knowing the bullshit isn’t flying anymore. Even before your life starts breaking that equation down for you.
Who knows why we have to go thru shit like this? I don’t suspect we’ll ever know why the soul needs to evolve thru this same repetitive station. That so many of us are obviously put here to endure, triumph over and then what? Be a shining example to others burdened in a similar way?
Who knows? I don’t.
But I do know it’s the only choice and as life is so short anyhow. Might as well learn to take some hits and play along. Anyway I wanna see how it ends.
But for you to stand up for yourself. For you to even make this a reasonable passage of your souls journey here. To get the predators to step the fuck off.
Well I’m here darling. And I wish I could ease your burden. More than just leaving you my account as to how I finally stood up for myself.
But I think in a deep way we all just have to go thru it alone. And we all have to feel that crazy kind of fear in the gobsmacked moment. No one can be there for you then. It’s just you and God then. That’s it. Total nudity. Total vulnerability. Finally it’s just that. The state of your soul and his divine light.