I’m fine. The tour exhausted me. That’s what touring does.
It’s exhausting. I could write a book in how and why. But even without drugs/drink and sex. (Which I had none of this time yay!)
I do appreciate the concern and I’m not gonna pretend that’s entirely unwarranted. But today I woke up in my own bed and opened (randomly in the middle) the living Tao and it was the page on Sincerity.
It said “sincerity refers to a true, devoted attitude, to doing your best in the position and roles given to you.” That’s what this blog is about. Me doing my best in the position I found myself in. Or the one that was given to me.
Was it right to be this transparent?
I don’t know. It’s bizarre as fuck to me too. This whole thing has been. It’s something that inspite of how I was raised, I never saw coming. I do know I’m not alone. There is many others who going thru the exact same thing. And many more all the time.
I wish I could write about how pretty flowers are, or give you some fun (if slightly twisted rollicking account of life on the road, about a wild and free rambunctious but spiritual rocker, in which my struggles are of the simple variety, nothing too taxing on the reader. Nothing that the reader would have to engage in too personally, and where at the end, I defeat my simple problem and rise to good humor and success. But this problem I’m facing. It’s not simple. Not even close. It’s complicated and it’s messy.
But I didn’t choose it. It chose me.
Life will come at us and all of us with big crushing problems. It’s relatable to someone finding out they have a serious illness. And in this life when people do come down with something serious, it’s not long before it becomes public usually. Because people can’t fight big things like this on their own.
My big thing isn’t a disease of the body. It’s a disease of the spirit. And it’s rooted in the spirits of the ones who are closest too me. I’ve gone in detail as to why and how so I’m not gonna repeat that.
I’m not asking you to believe me or not. I’m not asking really for anything. I’m simply attempting to be sincere or doing my best in the position and role given to me. Was this the best way to go about this? I’ve got no idea. I hope so. It remains to be seen.
I read on
“Sincerity requires concentration that isn’t scattered by any distractions, a consistent mind focused on one thing. It requires diligence in the face of challenges. People who have it demonstrate wholehearted commitment to their beliefs”
I read on
The next page was on
Responsibility it said this
“You cannot realize your purpose in life , no matter how hard you try, without taking on a role and bearing responsibility for it. Responsibilities provide a platform for your purpose and an outlet to which you can commit your energy. ”
This blog is that outlet and my responsibility to the situation I find myself in . At least at this stage of my recovery from this.
It goes on. “It is natural that huge responsibility comes with mental pressure and stress. (I can attest to this in full)
Successful people have to make critical decisions, and they have to work very hard to successfully implement them. They create environments to put themselves under greater stress, and they focus on achieving their goals. They gladly (not always so glad about it I must admit) endure stress because they have goals they want to achieve (healing myself and my family and helping others in this)
And they end up utilizing stress as power for success.”
Since I opened it to the number 2 and 3 character traits essential for the growth of the soul. I flipped it back to see what was number 1
” honesty is synonymous with truthfulness, integrity and frankness. It represents freedom from deceit or fraud. Honesty means that what you hold true on the inside is reflected in what you express on the outside. ”
That too is what this blog is.
Then it goes on
“Honesty is usually associated with the expression transparency or openness. It’s like a transparent lake that has no impurities covering its surface, the water is so clear we can see all the way to the bottom. ”
This blog is like a lake you can see all the way to the bottom of.
I don’t believe things are random.
As I work thru this struggle moments of synchronicity are coming so fast and furious as to strike me at first as simply spooky and now just seem normal. I think the universe is communicating to all of us all the time. But it takes great faith and courage to see that. It’s spooky actually.
Einstein’s final assessment of life was this. He called it
‘ spooky action at a distance”
I love that quote. I want to use it as an album title someday.
I love that he used the word spooky. But for him I’m sure that word was a failure. Because spooky simply means something mysterious you can’t understand. (I’m paraphrasing)
His aim was to understand.
As is mine.
Maybe I’ll be able to figure out what he couldn’t. Maybe I’ll be able to define just what spooky means. For now don’t be concerned. I’m ok. I slept so hard and woke up much better than when I went down. I’ve written now for about an hour. Then I’m gonna get in an epson salt bath. Meditate in the water. Drink a protein shake and BOX 🥊my ass off. Thank you for your help and your concern. I’m a warrior. I’m not going down without a fight. Namaste.