Say Uncle 

Will this world ever be anything other than devastating?I don’t think I have the stomach for this anymore. 

This blog. This story. 

As I tell it. It just floats away into abstraction. The details get lost on me. The dreamlike nature of reality just bends its fragments all over the details which used to appear so clear. And what I long for is something I guess there never was. A warm embrace. A truly warm embrace. 

Will this world ever be anything other than devastating? 

Say uncle 

And then maybe it will

Say uncle 

And you can have it all back. 

Say uncle. 

I miss being an uncle. That’s what I was best at. I was really good at it. 

I gave those kids guitars and a bunch of stuff out of my playground of creativity. Most of all I gave them all my love and tired to shine my soul their way whenever I could. I don’t think any of them would disagree with that. Even after all this. 
I loved them like they were my own. I felt like that about them. I wasn’t a distant uncle. I was an important part of their life. I knew they looked up to me and I took a pride and responsibility in that. 
Say uncle. And you can have it all back. You can be an uncle again. 

Or can you? Or are you now only just really doing the job?

Will this world ever be anything other than devastating for them? God I hope so. I really do. 

7 Comments on “Say Uncle 

  1. “If you’re going though hell, keep going.” ~Winston Churchill


  2. I’m sure they miss you as much as you miss them.

    Hopefully in the not so distant future you will be able to continue/rebuild your relationship with them.

    It’s all part of your journey.



  3. You are the Redemption’s Son!! Forgiveness is forever!
    Sending you peace and love ❤️ Joseph Arthur


  4. that’s a tough one Jo. Time spent with my nieces are pure joy. Authentic joy. I feel most myself with them. All I can suggest is to pray on this Jo. Keep praying for an answer to this, that hopefully will keep them in your life. Take heart in knowing that as the healing begins, over time, you’ll get really good at using your own energy to bring what you want into your life. As long as intention is pure. It works, you’ve experienced it before, yes? Pray. Trust this will be worked out for you in some way. Bounderies and all. Ask God what you should do. I’m serious. Ask him. 🙏🏻❤️


  5. Not sure if the meeting thing is something you connect with lately, maybe just a cup of coffee in a safe place could be helpful. The messages of love come from everywhere. Xo

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I’m no wordsmith, my strength now is in my ability to see the patterns and to see how source (I don’t use the g word anymore) has been there at every step. Hindsight is 20/20, and Hynde sight is bigger than Akron as is your sight.
    I know your suffering and want to send you something more than a hug. The first time around I offered lots of hugs. Vince and I would just stand there holding one another. There just wasn’t language at the time to even come close to expressing the psychic pain. She had used me as bait to attract him so I always felt a sense of our being in it together. When he had his first girlfriend then later boyfriend and later for that breakup, The totally crazy Grateful Dead trip. He had lost his girlfriend, his truck and his dog so he was a bad country song, but he was Italian so he made us fabulous drinks and we could finally laugh about her. But we never talked about any of it. Not really. Which eventually rendered me mute. I just couldn’t exist anywhere but in my lungs and there was only room to breath. No words.
    I left for jail and he left for Seattle and I never saw him again. But he was my brother and I know that the fact that he never dealt with that relationship did him in. So I never felt like I had been much use other than a band-aid.
    Which is why am saying now that more than a hug you need to see what you have just done for yourself. Something none of the other men I know have been able to do. Face such darkness and give it words, define it so that you OWN the experience. You have witnesses. You may have a book. You have the prize everyone is after, clarity.
    And now that you’ve faced the truth and all hell has broken loose, you get to just let that Loch Ness monster go. You’ve just faced cancer and survived it. Now it’s time for the gentle healing to begin. Self compassion.
    The O’hara Morning/Baseball Poem, well that was Beyonce’s Lemonade cue for me. I checked in on The Psychopaths Twitter account; depressed, anxiety-ridden, drug-addicted, impoverished, alcoholic probably L.A. trained con artist, suicidal. homicidal all of the above. Do I pity her? She is in serious need of help. She’s also the kind of girl that I can take down in 30 seconds flat on the subway. No baseball bat needed, Just my stare. She knows women can see right through her and will only prey on men. She’s so afraid, and there is no power in fear. The light ALWAYS finds its way in. I just wish Amy Schumer had gotten to her first, she’s my East Coast back-up. But I got to you first, didn’t I?
    And about your sister and nephews. He Sis. My sister has followed me all her life. The way you describe her voice sounds EXACTLY like Michelle talks to me, like a snake and while they may be capable of doling out affection to their children, she will never again accept you as this new authentic version of yourself. She would have to change the whole narrative like you have done. She’s busy. She’s a mom. She will never have the time to do it.
    Your nephews. Let’s go to the mama bear metaphor and add in your van. An uncle or aunts greatest strength is that we are largely symbolic. Einstein. What is the most important question? Is it a friendly universe? Next question? How friendly are you? I know you are feeling the burden of these questions. But these are precisely the questions you have been asking and living and modeling. You sense the epic proportions your presence has on their young minds, because it’s REAL. You did it, like a mother who can lift a bus off of her child, you have helped lift the burden of the old abusive narrative off these boys. Done deal. No question. Your sister will never be able to acknowledge that. Your nephews already have when they have mirrored your love back to you. Like Billie says, “They can’t take that away from me” That love lives on forever.


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