The River Is A War

The River Is A War 
It’s called war motherfucker 

There’s casualties! 
So

Goodbye. 
I think I’m addicted to writing now. It’s all I wanna do. 
I don’t know why I get so obsessive like this. Used to be only really music at this level. I guess I wrote a shit ton back in the day too. 
I don’t really care about the past tho. 
For me writing is like surfing
It’s just fun. To do. Now. 

That’s it. 
Once something’s down. Who really cares.? I’m not saying that in any negative way

But I’m sure it sounds negative. 

I mean it more like I can really see that Lao tzu guy as myself. 

Apparently he would just write a poem and put it in the river. 

I love that. 
He’d write and then toss things like 
“Do the difficult things while they are easy and do the great things while they are small. A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.
When you are content to be simply yourself and don’t compare or compete, everybody will respect you.
When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.”

I kinda think of this blog that way. Like a river. 
I don’t mean in terms of egolessness of Lau tzu 

As obviously the internet is not a river in terms of absence of human eyes 

And also this blog is not void of an agenda. 

It actually has 

a rather large agenda. 
(Side note. How many other writers Miss words when writing? )
So 

This blog has an ego

And so it’s not a river in that way

But it is a river

In the way that 
I’ve arrived at a point past the concern of what others think. 
I’ve gotten some great lovely texts from some people. And appreciate it. I don’t think I would have gotten to this point of not caring what people think, had I not felt that praise a little. So I’m grateful. 
But here’s why I can say that m, and at the same time say I don’t care what people think. 

Especially from somebody who cared very much what people thought. 
It’s because 

I love praise that I never want to see it. 

Or know about it anymore. 

Why?

Because 

Praise paralyzes you. 
I need this writing to be free. 

I don’t want to get trapped trying to recapture a past glory

Or 

Needing any of these pages to be that good. 
I need to be able to suck. 

Or else

Can’t be great. 
That’s how it is. 
And on the flip side

People’s malice 

Shatters me

It always shatters me

I can take it. 

You know this. But it still shatters me. 

It doesn’t break me. But it shatters me like magic glass that then unshatters
Lou had a name for my record 

Joe Arthur

Breakless 
He didn’t call me Joseph. I didn’t mind. 
I like that title. I think he saw things in me I didn’t. I think he didn’t know if I would make it. I don’t mean in the music business. I mean in life. I saw myself as stronger than I was and he saw thru that. 
Joe Arthur Breakless. He was a true friend.  

It’s a river cause

As I heal thru these pages

These pages heal thru you

And we wash all away

The grime and the goo

We aim for forgiveness 

We aim to unscrew

Ourselves from the void

As the water pours thru

A river of silence

A river of you

A river of violence 

A river that’s true

Words are like water

This water is blue

The color of truth

Giving birth to the new. 

I heal thru these pages

Let them burn when it’s thru, so

The love in this world

Will find me and you. 

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