Are all emotional reactions against Narcs bad?
Conventional wisdom says yes. And it’s a really good rule to follow and it’s true that they are constantly trying to provoke reaction. And it’s also true that any reaction you give them is supply and fuel for them but….
when you really start waking up from all this and your life undergoes a total transformation, you will emerge as essentially a different person. A person who would never in a million years put up with the way Narcs treat others.
But that transformation is a process. It doesn’t happen overnight but it does happen quickly. (In other words people will mistake you for your old self before you truly become your new self. This will be a mistake on their part )
And if you’re like me and you reach this point in your forties. You’ll have many people in your life that won’t really see or respect that transformation. In short your behavior in the world will be different, theirs will not.
And to aggravate the situation, your new power and self reliance will threaten the narcs in your life like a ghost does a child.
So they won’t stand down. Their attacks will either A) be more obvious and pronounced and nasty in terms of pain and control they attempting to induce. It’s that lack of control over you they sense and see and then themselves REACT too by doing something over the top
Or B) this is how obvious and over the top it’s always been but now you just notice.
(Not sure which of these is the case, but one of them if not both happens everytime)
I mean here, to reference a time significantly into your healing journey. When you’ve already gone no contact with the primary Narcs in your life.
Im speaking now on the periphery Narcs.
Old friends you ain’t seen in awhile for instance. Who are used to you being a kind of punching bag but they “love and miss you!”
They may even have caught wind of your transformation. You may even be silly enough to display it publicly. God forbid you may even start a blog and brazenly taught your new understandings and bravely expose yourself and the entirety of the situation that happened to you. God forbid you do that! 😝
They may know you’re a soft target and can easily plan some good set ups for you to fall in in witch to evoke emotion and misery.
Are all emotional reactions bad?
I suppose in an ideal world they are. In an ideal world you can see what the narc is up too. It’s easy to see. And they throw soft balls before really going in, to guage reaction and test their target.
So it’s not unfathomable to just remove yourself without emotion and walk away.
Then what? Block their number, just don’t ever respond.
Yes that’s the healthy thing
But even that is an emotional reaction.
And that reaction isn’t in keeping with who I really am. I’m not passive aggressive.
I’m an open and honest person. I say what I mean. And mean what I say.
I don’t think ALL emotional reactions are bad. Particularly not when you are really ready to get real about all this. Because when you are in that space, it will be a time to say goodbye to certain characters forever. You’ll have the stomach for it. New resivores of strength and character open up to you in dramatic ways.
And some of those goodbyes (in my opinion) warrant a hearty FUCK YOU and if you’ve recovered sufficiently
You’ll be surprised at how that FUCK YOU
sits with you.
Whereas once upon a time your programming would not have allowed for you to get away with that.
The receiver of your FUCK YOU
would have haunted you.
Doubt and fear would seep in
“Perhaps you were extreme”
Will go the thoughts
“Perhaps they didn’t deserve that”
“Perhaps that totally insane thing they did or said was just an accident and you really should try to smooth things over”
” after all aren’t you a nice guy that everyone loves. God forbid there be one more shit talker out there ruining what’s left of your dilapidated reputation ”
And on and on the fear based diatribe will drone , until you are sufficiently cognitively dissonanced and tortured, that you will either A) seek out some resolution with the predator, further subjecting yourself to abuse. Or B) not do that but feel like total shit and like someone else got the better of you.
Recovery bares fruit in this department.
I personally don’t think all emotional reactions are bad.
I think when you’re deep in this process of recovering yourself, you’ll discover a capacity to say a real FUCK YOU to someone and mean it. Not take it back. Not ever. And not feel one drop of doubt or guilt about it.
I personally think. That’s a beautiful thing.
A beautiful fuck you.