Evolve Now! 

Where does the darkness end ? and that’s just it …you can’t know. and that’s one of the many parts of this multi faceted problem, which is, when somebody reveals a dark intent towards you, it’s really impossible to know where that ends.  
An example from my situation is my own ex family. Their final acts of betrayal certainly had crushingly dark implications (refer back to the ‘Snakeskin Grand finale’ 

They knew what Quinn Falconer did to me. And yet they retraumatized me aggressively. 

Think of my headspace at the time. I was fighting tooth and nail to recover. And they were well aware of how damaged I was by this, and yet they did what they did. They left know doubt about total disdain and lack of basic decency towards me. 

Their actions (and repetitive actions deeply illustrated that) 

So where does that end? 

Is it extreme to say they wish I was dead? 

Not to my way of thinking. Seems to me as if they made that rather clear. Also they don’t seem conservative in their approach. So where does that darkness end?

I’ve got no idea. I had to write a note and send it to my own family. Self protection cause I thought they may try to have me killed. All these months later, that idea seems a reasonable assumption when measured against past behavior and also what I know of them. Frank is extreme. They all are. 

How extreme I am with art and music and sharing it. That’s how extreme they are in reverse. So yeah

Exposure for me is protection. Quinn is a psychopath and I’m calling her out. 
Is all this putting me in more harms way or protecting me? I’ve got no idea. I’m experimenting. 

Having fun with it. 
I’ll tell you this. I have a list. And it’s got more names than the ones I’ve revealed. It’s not too long. But everyone on it will be under heavy investigation of any moves are made against. 

Never mind about the spiritual realm where these people are gonna have no mercy. At least not until karma is resolved. 

I think for me the truly shocking discovery of all this was in learning that the aggravating things these people would do, they did on purpose. I mean it’s not as if I did not notice that people were aggravating, or passive aggressive or insecure. it’s not that I was totally blind to the fact that some people were not for you but… The shock came when I realized that not only was this behavior conscious, the people that you trusted were acting consciously and exacting pain out of you. it was premeditated and preconceived. I mean just the very embodiment of how we classify evil is as follows…if I catch my girlfriend cheating on me and then throw a lamp at her and it kills her I’ll go to jail for maybe three or four or five years and then get time off for good behavior but if I do that very same thing and think about it first, plan it. Premeditated it…

I’d go to jail for the rest of my life, maybe get the death penalty. same action. what’s the difference? why is one punishment so severe and the other one not nearly as severe? i’ll tell you why…. because premeditation is everything. conscious thought is everything in terms of committing evil acts and how we punish them. Because it signifies a character void of dignity and compassion. Void of the minimal emotional depth to really deserve to live free here on planet earth. Am I missing something? Are narcs not this type of evil?
So who are these people to bring you down to your knees, when it’s obvious you are broken, when it’s obvious you are struggling , when it’s obvious you need help , when it’s obvious that this is the time family are supposed to be there for you and yet those are the very people that bring out the knives because they’re not counting on you getting back up. it’s a crazy realization. it’s something that you can’t un see. That level of betrayal breaks something at the core. Something’s break and you can’t un break them. and after the fact there is no way the perpetrators of such pain, are ever gonna cop to it. they cannot. it’s too insane. there’s no going back. 
it’s inconceivable and unbelievable for people who don’t think the way they do, in particular , for their key targets. if you’re targeted by them, it’s a huge compliment, because you have great qualities that they wish to emulate and steel and ultimately drain your love until you end up like a used tampon dangling on the edge of oblivion, caked with bad street speed and regret. 
I mean personally I was mind controlled for months and months of my life. and here’s how you know I’m telling you the truth about that
 because who on earth would ever admit to that if it wasn’t true? 
 nobody. So why no shame? ( keep in mind NPD’s , sociopaths, psychopaths are masters of manipulation and mind control. It is their everything. They appear to have other interests, but their interests only serve to cover and facilitate their true interest. Which is to manipulate and control. So I got beat by someone who is an expert in an area of real programmed weakness in me. 

That doesn’t reflect on my intelligence. It’s simply a matter of being blind and now being able to see. It’s a matter of being unaware of weakness which came from a lifetime of abuse and which these types look for and target. I see no need for shame here. Frankly I’m glad I made a bunch of kick ass records and paintings and poems instead of putting all my energy on Fucking with people. ) 

 there is nothing good about saying that. there’s a lot of factors to that, and it’s a long conversation, the explanation as to how and why it happens and actually there’s also good qualities associated with people who can be more easily hypnotized. The qualities of openness and willingness to explore new things makes someone susceptible to hypnosis. (Really only a bad quality to have when you’re unaware) In fact all the qualities you have that led to your devastation become absolute strengths in recovery. But only after you learn to recognize predators and deal sufficiently with pathological needs and loneliness. 
Its about vulnerability and predators pinpointing vulnerabilities of others. it’s despicable behavior. it’s really on par with child Molesters. a pedophile will target the kids they see having certain qualities which makes them more vulnerable and susceptible. 

NPD 

works exactly the same and for some reason I’m not ashamed of the fact that I fell victim to this. I don’t have victim shame about this ( men need to own what’s happened to them as well and it’s harder for us than the ladies to not feel ashamed) because it’s so rampant and also because it broke me that hard. I’m not sitting here calling out from on high about this because someone hurt my feelings or wounded my pride. I’m telling you this, because I got broke down to the core and fucked with in such a hard-core way as to lead me to explain myself here now. 

 I mean that shit was crazy. 

 I did not see it coming. 

 I did not know it existed. 

 it’s not like I have a laundry list of super healthy relationships behind me either, I mean I’ve had some good ones and I’ve been with some good people but I’ve had a lot of toxic ones and I’ve been toxic as well, but this was next level. A total devastation and not just emotional. But physical, mental and spiritual. Nothing to do but hit reset. Nothing to do but rise or fall. Life just got so real. And as I asked my family for help, they betrayed me too. 
I’m not claiming sainthood in any of this either, i’m just not toxic in a way where I’m a predator trying to hurt other people as a means of control, I don’t do that. 

Another thing I find interesting is the commonality amongst victims of this and especially in this day and age. I’ve discovered a new YouTube healer named SOUL GPS 
she’s awesome and I love her videos. But the strange part is she’s been thru almost exactly the same turn of events recently as I have. Four betrayals brought her to the bottom of her self. I also am in a similar place on the healing journey. Not quite all the way there yet, but I’ve turned a corner or three. an identical story at least in terms of massive betrayal leading to this soul transformation. These kind of “coincidences” lead me to expect that there is some kind of an uprising in human consciousness. because there’s so much of this happening, light workers being forced to evolve now! And fast. I feel like we are being prepared for something larger. it’s like the dark forces are revealing themselves and the life forces are revealing themselves. 

 that’s what’s happening right now. it’s like people can’t hide what they are anymore.
especially after you recover a little bit. when you got about six months recovery or something and you can start seeing it in your day in day out life much easier and it is fucking wild. it’s not as heartbreaking the harrowing as it was when you first started coming out of it because those cases were also more extreme. but now just in your day-to-day you start clocking it much easier and you see it just at the beginning stages. and though you don’t know what level or to what degree somebody is fucked up, but you start to see a pattern. anybody can do one fucked up thing or say one thing that’s a little off, but when a pattern starts forming…your soul tells you, your body tells you, and you just listen because you’ve been down that rabbit hole so many times, you re like “man fuck that shit!” Then it always plays out too because, all you do is then, put a boundary up. just don’t give that person anymore of your time. Where as back in the day you were magnetized, they would do the couple fucked up weird things which would then form a damn trauma bond. not like trauma trauma, but just a little baby trauma bond. you’re just a program running on autopilot and they know the program. there’s only one of you in that situation that actually knows what’s happening. Youre trying to like like this person or whatever while they’re figuring out How to fuck with this person. In their head they think I’m controlling them and I’m manipulating them and then it just gets way more twisted and dark. beyond what you could imagine. these people have nothing else to do with their time and their whole lives but study and fuck with people they see as vulnerable and blind to their tactics. And they know exactly what to look for. 

 by the time they’re in their mid 20s or even younger than that, they’re like zen masters of manipulating. Gender doesn’t matter. age doesn’t matter. if you are susceptible to them and you have one that’s an adult, it’s been studying manipulation their whole life. You stand no chance against them in that game, especially as you’ve done creative things with your time, rather than working on ways to fuck with people. I got no shame about getting “beat” by one. It makes logical sense. But now I’m all caught up, and I know the game and I’m ready to play. But it’s gonna be my game and on my terms this time. And the game for me is all about recovering and healing and becoming a beacon of light for other victims of this. The name of the game is also to expose these nasty demons who refer to themselves as people and to protect other innocents who like me, simply didn’t know better. 

One Comment on “Evolve Now! 

  1. My father died over 25 years ago, I’m still recovering from my lifetime of abuse. He got sober a year or so before he died and showed me that sobriety was possible for even the most hopeless. It’s the reason that at age 24 I realized that I could do the same. He was the alcoholic, my mother, the rage-aholic and manic depressive. Together they turned our house into a war zone, no place to hide, no where to rest. Every blog you write I can relate to on so many levels. I feel as if my heart is pounding out of my chest when I read your words and your experiences. There is nothing more powerful than what you are doing in your life right now. I thought that I had fully recovered from much of what had happened to me from my family and from my last few relationships with the most evil fucks on earth, but there was more healing to come and what looked like endless darkness turned out to be my true road to freedom. Your writing has brought such incredible light to this deeply twisted phenomenon of NPD abuse. I’ve been on this recovery road a long time and never heard anyone describe with such clarity the abuse that almost killed me 4 years ago. I was with a truly calculating and maniacal psychopath. I was surrounded by them! I couldn’t fucking believe that after so many years of deep recovery work that I could be sucked into not one Narc relationship, but several, at the same time! My boyfriend, boss, “best friend”! I was shattered, decimated. There were a few real friends that reached out and literally saved me from isolation and God knows what else. Please keep writing Jo, you have helped me in ways that no one could. Nothing can extinguish your light.

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