Volleyball Head Tube 

Tom hanks. Embedded language and how I wish I could still remember. 
This shit is like cast away 

You’re Tom Hanks

The volley ball head is YouTube. You talk to yourself to break the silence. You’re not really being crazy after all you’re at least aware that you’re talking to yourself. Things don’t start getting weird till you carry out lengthy conversations and also throw jokes at empty walls that you laugh at yourself. You are being isolated. And you are isolating. For once everyone and everything is working in concert designed for one unified horrific but glorious concern. And that is your solitude. Just as the skin that’s been cut naturally heals itself providing conditions are favorable. Your emotional well being will do the same now that your condition is finally favorable to this natural process. You will be a witness to yourself being braver than you thought possible and in surprising ways. New passions will arise for things like sport and self education. And gratitude like never before coupled with self care and view to your health which arises from the fact that never before have you been in the position to explore your authentic self. You may even think with fear that you crossed the finish line. But the shot you heard was only the beginning of the race. This realization ever increasing makes you send up the prayer to be given the time to explore this new magnificent reality. Which leads to you valuing your own time in such a way as never before. It’s hard even to think of all the years of effort you invested into a black hole. All of that pain. All of that confusion. And now that you know what it’s about. What can you do about it? Where is the revenge? There is none to be had. There’s nothing like revenge for a crime such as this. Death wouldn’t be revenge. In fact that would probably only relieve them. As it would destroy you completely. You can’t go now and torment them for years on end in a covert mission to zero in on their ability to take care of and realize themselves. There is no revenge here. Nothing even close to like it. Some call no contact revenge. I couldn’t disagree with that more. No contact should never be called something as lowly as revenge. No contact is simply your only line of defense against these predators. No contact is your armor in a battle you were thrown into against your will. That’s not revenge. That’s protection. It’s as basic as breathing once you understand the rules of engagement with the severely personality disordered. I don’t want revenge on my family. In fact I don’t want them to suffer at all. I still love them. I just know what and who they are. I’m glad they made that clear to me in a cacophony of over the top displays which crescendoed into total absurdity. That’s how bad it got before I jumped the ship. I stuck around forever. I didn’t split til I almost died. Plane and simple. I left because I had to. Because they gave me no choice and then I gave them no choice back. But I didn’t do that for revenge. Although yes I was completely outraged and in the depths of this thing as you are consumed by darkness. You claw and scratch and bite like a cornered stray and I can assure you I was not so even headed about all this as I am now. Now I don’t take any of it personally. They are as predators in the wild and with as much control. It’s as simple as that. 

No contact is your shelter in the jungle and right now within that shelter you are protected, you can bide your time and you can heal. Just outside of that shelter are all the wild cats lions tigers snakes and spiders that you can imagine. Staying in that shelter isn’t revenge upon those predators lurking just outside. No contact is just your basic protection. No contact is your shelter. 
I think the distinction becomes important because healing from narcissistic abuse means to get free and clear from their toxic energy and the environment that that creates and also how that environment naturally makes one incapable of being fulfilled. People like us don’t like living in energies such as revenge. That comes from them. It was their infringement on your basic human rights which lead to this supposed need for the bullshit that is revenge. There is no revenge in nature. There is simply survival. Understanding that they have no choice. That they are no more than puppets of destruction and damned to live that way. Knowing that should be vengeance enough for you and don’t be surprised when that knowledge actually turns back into compassion and forgiveness towards your abusers       

Your ability to see this all for what it is will enable you to truly transcend the torment you’ve been thru. You will have strength this time with your compassion and you will understand that on a fundamental level your no contact is not only not revenge but rather a form of love. Firstly for yourself but then by extension of the laws of the universe. Love for them as well. 

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