And Yes I Said Thrice 

You may be asking yourself if you stepped into a minefield. Allow me to answer that question for you. Yes you have. And there’s even more bad news to report. It’s been carefully constructed for specifically you. Each mine placed where they know you will step before you step there. I can hear you say. So what’s the good news. Well sadly there isn’t much good news. Your entire life as you know it is done. As you know it. So for your life in that way I have no good news for you. I have only catastrophic news for you. But after you wipe away the grit from the explosion of your whole life. Just after that there is all kinds of very good news indeed. But still. If you’re in the explosion phase it’s gonna get worse before it gets better. For me it blew thru my life like a white hot flame. I was ostracized to the extreme. And my family couldn’t wait and didn’t even hide the fact of them getting there piece before I went all the way down. They all showed me their fangs. Clear as a street sign on a sunny day. But this in the end was the ultimate gift for me. My whole life got blown apart on such a profound level that it lay before me like something thrice demolished and yes I said thrice. From destruction comes redesign and reconstruction in this dope way you can’t see yet. I’m trying to give you a preview of things to come so you hold on in this absolute obliteration of your life. Your authentic self will finally meet you. And you don’t know just how profound that is just yet. For that gift you have to fight. You have to go no contact. You have to see how prevalent this shit is in your life. For me it was all the way to the core. I suspect that’s how it is for most. It only stands to reason. You would be wise to pay close attention and don’t be surprised by what you find. In my case it got all the way dark. You take that as you want. But I’m just saying it’s not a simple thing you’re dealing with. But just beyond this horror story is a love story between you and yourself. I can’t speak beyond that because that’s where I’m at. Im thru the other side of one part of this but not all the way thru. Maybe we never are. I just hope the people that up the road ahead of me will give me a sneak peek of what I’m fighting for too. That’s how we help each other. That’s how this works. You can accept the love you feel here as genuine. It is. You are my brother and my sister if you have endured what we have. And you know what I mean by that and that’s just what I mean. You know what I mean. And I know that you know. The fact that we don’t know each other specifically or in traditional ways doesn’t mean this love isn’t real. Think of all the love you thought was real all thru your life. All that you sacrificed and gave for it only to find that not one part of it was real. And infact the very opposite was what was really going on. So don’t worry about finding your love sources where you can. You will to get creative here. This is a lonely process thru which you transcend the loneliness and find true power in being alone. It’s not easy but my God is it beautiful. Your life may feel and may in fact be completely destroyed right now. But please understand that just on the other side of all that is the biggest gift you can possibly imagine.  

4 Comments on “And Yes I Said Thrice 

  1. I seem to be at the same point as you. I’ve come out on the other side and made improvements to myself that I’m still working on (it is probably a neverending yet exciting and rewarding journey of self healing and self reflection and self-bettering), but I still have my moments where the memories creep up on me and either upset me or anger me or provide that sudden, acute onset of that uncomfortable twinge in my gut, which tells me I’m not all the way through quite yet. But compared to last week, last month, two months ago? I’m so much better. And that is what I focus on. It hurts every now and then, but not like immediately post discard, and certainly not like when I was caught up with the narc. Because yes, even amongst all the highs, the dopamine spikes this narc caused me when we were friends, I experienced lows that were the lowest I’ve ever experienced in my life. And the desire to separate myself from that and never get trapped like that again is what drives me. Not the narc abuse, but the awareness imagined from the abuse. And also my new love for myself and all I have accomplished and all I will accomplish in the future. We can celebrate the gift of growth. The narcs are forever trapped in their empty existence and endless negative feedback loop.

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  2. i can relate to this fully.
    Having said that, the realization of having fallen in love with a man he was not and so with the man i thought he was, is hard to swallow.
    But you are absolutely right about the peace that comes with the pursuit of the lost self and the necessity of isolation in order to achieve it.
    i am 6 months into it as well and only just beginning to breathe again.

    Those buggers are BARBARIANS!!!

    Like

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