The Snakeskin Grand Finale 

You want to mend things?Really?

Then…

Write an apology about 

what you did to me 

over the holidays. 

Write me about how you “accidentally” 

set up an important “event ”

at the same place where someone who I informed you all multiple times, lives. 

Who also traumatized me to within inches of my life. A trauma that led me to reaching out to you. Opening up all the way about what I had been thru. 

Previously, 

Having had been, what I thought was, somewhat of a success in life, and having been strong in the past, this was a time when I really needed you. This was it. 

Success was a memory. 

I was broken. 

 and in need of actual love. 

Actual love is different 

from what we’ve been calling it. 

I found that out the hard way. 

When that important event (your birthday dinner) was “accidentally” booked there. Where the psychopath lives. 

In the restaurant directly under her actual apartment. 

You know what else I find strange…

The weird way I found out you booked it there. 

You were excited to tell me where it was. 

You certainly picked a strange time to spring it on me. 

I was in an airport in Mexico. I had moved my flight specifically to catch your birthday. Even tho I knew things had gotten weird, I still very much had hope for us all. Vague and varied tho it was, I was still holding on. In fact changing my flight was a kind of softening. You see, I hadn’t intended to come , so yeah things had gotten weird. I figured Christmas would be enough and boy should I have listened to that instinct. 

That softening led to that phone call/text in that Mexican airport, where you excitedly sprung the news as to where the event was booked. 

Honestly everything is blurry after that moment. 

I wound up at the Highland Inn in Atlanta Ga By way of jail cell. My first time in one. (And look 👀 I’m already bragging about it) Previous to that ..

I spent ten days on the beach in mexico 🇲🇽 cold chilling. Actively healing and working on myself. Preparing myself, you could say ,for the mental dance of the holidays. Getting myself in good spiritual shape. It had worked too. 

I was in great spirits. 

On time for my flight. 

Excited to get back home and dig into new inspiration. 

Even excited to see you. 

To see if it could maybe be different. Feeling like I had a handle on how deal with toxic people. Watching the clips on YouTube and already awake to the fact that this behavior I speak of here, not only exists ,but is all too common. 
But how wild and effortless 

and ingenious

 Your booby trap was. 

I will give you points for creativity. 

To the dark side take a bow. 
As I said I was in good spirits and not only that, but feeling stronger than I had in a long time. I made no secret to you, about how devastating, what I had recently been thru was. I made no secret at all about it. I turned to you all for support, but got tossed and toyed with in other retrospectively interesting ways, when taken in full, with the snakeskin grand finale. 

I think it deserves a name.

 It is a thing. A knock out punch. 

Let’s call it. 
‘ The Snakeskin Grand Finale ‘
Has a ring, no? 

And let’s go down the field as if this snakeskin reservation was made “on accident.”

Let’s go there for the sake of the judge and because the court wishes to proceed with this line of questioning. 

Let’s say it just slipped from the old silly noggin. After all, anything is possible. 
What was your reaction? 
I know mine would have been effusively apologetic. 

I would go to the end of the earth to let you know how sorry I was. How deeply re traumatizing I know that would be. How brutal of a thing to do, even if, “on accident” 

To someone who sought your council. Who you even escorted to their first therapy appointment SPECIFICALLY for the attack this predator waged on them. And not only that, you found the therapist, so deep was your “concern”. 

You even met their therapist together and had a conversation, So deep your concern. 

And then the three of you had a conversation, that from this point, neither of you would communicate with each other, and both promised and assured me that I would be safe here. 

A trust that was soon after betrayed by you, and for which no real apology was issued, but rather a deep blame shift, where by you became the outraged one. 

And me the guilty. You backed by mother of course. 
Leading to the snakeskin grand finale. 

Many things led there actually. Hindsight is as they say 20/20. And now that this form of abuse has gone mainstream, kinda flips the script on the text/email got ya game. Doesn’t it? This behavior is plain as day once you turn the lights on. Once exposed it just is what it is. 
How about as I collapsed in outrage and terror and a feeling of being betrayed so heavy that my heart just instantly went all the way to the center of things. I was gone in an instant. 

In that Mexican airport. 

First thing I did was uncork a bottle of tequila. Arriba undelay ! 

That was the first in a rapid succession of very bad mistakes I made. 

Which led to being cuffed in Atlanta and carried off by a group of police. Merry Christmas and happy birthday. 

The holidays. 

In the cell. I just said. This is what they do. 

You have to get away. I promised myself then and there. 
I MADE A PROMISE TO NEVER ALLOW MYSELF TO BE TREATED SO AWFULLY EVER AGAIN. 
But let’s say that was just an accident. Even tho the incidents, and “accidents” and triangulation gas lighting, invalidating, minimizing, lying nonsense that was proceeding all this would very much keep in line to the prognosis that I was under sever forms of emotional abuse leading up to this wild hum dinger. 

But ignore all that. 
This was just an accident. But, 
As I then, Utterly broke down in front of you. raged. Was shattered and then cognitively distorted into nothing but a shadow of myself. Destroyed in a text. DESTROYED. What did you do, or say? How did you respond? 
A deep heartfelt real apology ? 
showings of understanding? 
Oh hell no. 

Not even close. Not even faking it. 
A cold indifference mixed with guilt inducing triggers for “loosing it” 
And after,

Trying to explain my need for validation and understanding, I flipped it. I said. 

“imagine if you were abused by someone for a year. Led down a rabbit hole of your own destruction. Imagine if you had come to me broken and afraid and warned me about where that abuser lived. Imagine if that abuser lived just over a restaurant that was a staple of the neighborhood which we all lived in, and only three blocks from where I lived. Imagine if I had kids and You, in a real place of fear and desperation (absolutely atypical of you ) warned me that both me and my kids could potentially be in serious danger because there is no end to how dark this person is. And imagine when you warned me you did so hysterically. Reiterating to keep a very keen eye out indeed. So real, you felt was that danger. 

And then now please imagine 

that I then absentmindedly booked a family birthday dinner in that very restaurant. And said it was an accident 

Imagine that? 
I tried desperately to explain it, and got more games and indifference back. 
The dark cloud of what was obviously happening didn’t descend as much as engulf me full stop. and mixed with that devastation is the slow devastating side show , where you determine over and over again that that couldn’t have been an accident. That’s the cognitive dissonance you may have heard about. 

The fact that both – that couldn’t have been an accident – and yet it’s too terrible to believe someone would do such a thing on purpose. 

It’s too terrible to believe that. 

So you find yourself in this awful psychic bear trap where somebody deeply betrayed you, 

and at the same time not only do you not receive validation for the insanity of the wound, but you are insantly heaped on with toxic shame. And a shit load of it. And then neatly gift wrapped into a guilt trip. 

“You lost it. ”

You can hear the gossip now. And here’s the text to prove it, where he lost it on us. 
You’re the crazy one. 
Imagine what that does to somebody. 

And imagine if it happens to someone over and over again. 

How that sinks a life. 
You’re insane and they have the hysterical texts to prove that you’re a monster. But 

Who’s the monster? 
The cognitive dissonance is the worst 

Over and over again you mull 

“It’s just not possible. 

I had warned her that her kids could be in danger 

and I had told her by who 

and where she lived 

and she live three blocks away from her. 

and all this was just a few months old. Current as a motherfucker. 

The opposite of old news. ”

So yeah hard to believe. 
That is until you get led to research this behavior, as means of survival, and you find out how not only is it possible, but the patterns of the behavior here are universal in this disorder. 
Garden variety NPD nonsense. 
I take away the bow to the dark side. 
Only seems cunning until you see how obvious it is. 
But yeah if it was an accident 

What kind of apology did I get ?

What kind of apology came my way?
No kind of apology at all. 

What I got back was this….

“She says its ok to go somewhere else but you pick because you go out more than we do” 
Soon after I was randomly in Atlanta because that’s where the flight connected. And though I used to live there, and like it still. 

I was there for no reason at all. 

Lost. 

17 Comments on “The Snakeskin Grand Finale 

  1. as i read your posts, i only wish i was your friend so that i could lend an ear, hug and friendship.

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    • Thank you. Even this comment is more love than I’ve gotten in years from my own flesh and blood so it helps a lot. Thank you!!

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  2. Transform the suffering, wherever you are, wherever you go. You are helping others in sharing this pain … I wish I could offer my home for a getaway…gain some space and distance and live in quiet. There are a lot of folks who care for you, Joseph. I wish you the best for your upcoming tour. Be as strong as you can. “Live in each season as it passes.” Peace.

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    • Thank you for saying that. My primary motivation is to help others and of course I can only do that if I expose my truth. Namaste friend

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  3. My first reaction is to give you a big long hug. Although we don’t know one another we do in another way. I am a NPD survivor. I was gas lighted within an inch of my life literally. I would start to recover or so I believed but then I would be pulled back under. The way the therapist explained it was as if I were submerged in water in a glass cylinder and although I thought I was making it to the top that I could see…I would only make it so far and get pulled down again.

    They talk about what I thought was a mythical corner you turn ‘someday,’ but it really does exist. I can tell you true. It was as though a switch was flipped. It took time and so much work but oh Joe when it happens you get yourself back. The you that you always suspected was there still waiting for you. It’s amazing but people can notice a change in you and express how there is something different about you but they can’t put their finger on it.

    I wish you the best in this journey and just keep swimming to the top.
    Be well. Namaste
    Leslie

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    • I can relate. It’s a day by day thing. Even doing this blog wakes up certain demons but this support I’m getting feels amazing. I’ve been isolated in this thing for awhile. My little bit of fame held me back from exposing this cause I felt it unfair in a way but as I write and share, I realize more and more how horribly my ex family actually was to me. And they haven’t made a single move to make it better. I know they hate to see me thrive. And that in and of itself just sickens me.

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      • I used to think of myself as a victim but now I am a survivor. I look at those that did this with pity and disgust then go on with my day knowing I am in a way better place then they ever will be.
        We all keep these secrets famous or not. There is a time though that we must face them. You are on your way my friend and don’t forget that. If you have a bad day don’t beat yourself up about it. It happens. Just throw something around your house create something …art, music your boxing or whatever. You don’t have to share this with the world but it will feel good getting it out.
        Personally I meditate twice a day which helps center me.
        Just take it one day at a time.
        Hugs and be well.
        Leslie

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  4. The revelations and realizations come in waves, keep working out, keep writing and singing~your music has been my strength for years. You are strong. You are brave. You are a survivor. Thank you for writing right out loud…

    Sending support and love~Colleen

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Though I do not know you, meeting you once after a gig in Leeds had a profound affect on me. You have a radiating warmth and spirit Joe and you have a beautiful heart and unresounding honesty.
    I have a long story to tell most of it encapsulated by emotional torture from a young age, social care system etc etc (a tale as old as time I guess) and though it’s not any kind of secret it is something that I don’t volunteer.
    You are incredibly brave to write about your experiences and give hope to so many that there is a way through the dark, that you get to come out fighting and with resolve to recover.
    I add my name to the long list of people who just want to give you a hug and say thank you so much for your honesty and your words and your depth of expression.

    Strength comes in many forms and you may just have revealed your biggest.

    Huge amounts of love to you sir.
    You take care and keep fighting xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Friend,
    I’m in knots for you… stomach twisted and hurting for what you’ve been through. Know that I am here and will always be. Keep moving… xo

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Hiya, I wanted to leave a comment before as I read one of your posts late one night , but I was in a quandary cause I didn’t know if you just wanted these personal pieces to speak for themselves and stay without comment. I just wanted to send some love and support to you really x ………and to say in my experience, people I consider to be my family are the people I feel most loved by, resonate with, honour, support and stand by me, accept, know, see and “get” me and that they are not necessarily blood related. This has been really reassuring for me to know as I feel connected to something much bigger (universal even) and that has helped me over the years with the shortcomings/dysfunctions of my own family and the consequential feelings of isolation that this can bring. It takes great courage to live an honest life, but to me authenticity is the only path to me to take, for what is the alternative? and I appreciate people are very very scared to look into the darkness but hopefully through love and shining a light we can help each other along the way… Love and peace DInahxxx

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