Writing about recovery is difficult. My life is starting to be mine again and I once again can do things without constantly “healing”
Which tempts me to abandon writing mostly because I don’t feel like excavating thru the past or opening any wound when I’d rather just play guitar. Coupled with that, in order to write about my process of recovery I have to divulge an uncomfortable level of personal information and then be plagued with the consequences of that. Guilt for speaking my truth. Guilt when I don’t. The guilt when I don’t is worse because with that I can feel my sick self reasserting itself, meekly taking the reigns, and then my energy fades along with my spirit. Writing is my therapy and sharing it, is a crucial part.
However I need to clarify that when I speak of narcs or NPD’s or whatever they are called. I’m speaking of them (usually) in general terms, in the spirit of the helpful YouTube videos which made my recovery possible. I am not attacking my family or anyone. I’m simply expressing my experience and my thoughts and insights in recovery from all this. And attempting to heal in the way that is in keeping with my nature and spirit. I love my family very much and miss them very much too. I wish things could be different than they are.
I wish I didn’t have to traverse this very difficult terrain. But I did and I do. And can’t stay silent too.