Sigmund Freud Columbo 

Writing prompts for today 
1. Boundaries and how they create the domino effect. 

  2. Tender Mercies

3. shame and how you have to carry it until you tell your truth. 
4. The betrayal is me doing what he/they should have done 
5. Looping. When your body does the thinking for you. 
6. Practice observation 
7. And finally my friends text

“””Sometimes you have to look at what your enemy did to defeat you in order to find your strengths..” he went into say 

“I heard a reverend say this on KCRW and immediately thought of you” 
8. Black hole son. 
I wanted to write him back and say 

“That’s funny, I’ve just started a blog that is , in part, about that.”

But instead I decided just to incorporate it here. 

My recovery. My process. My explanation. My story. All goes here. So that then, in my actual life I can have an “actual life. ”

Until you tell your story you will carry shame that does not belong to you. 

I don’t wish to heap shame on my family or really anyone at this point, but after telling a very small portion of my story I realized I was carrying a great deal more of it that I had assumed. Going “no contact” I became so much clearer than I had been, that I assumed that was it. But I was still very burdened. More than I knew. I’m speaking to those of you who still have your story to tell. Like I made it over the prison wall and I’m trying to tell my friends who haven’t yet, that they should go for it. The coast is clear. 

Talk about a leap of faith tho. 

But this quote about knowing what your enemies did to defeat you to find your strength is so on point. 
The psychopath I was with for a year. (I almost called it a romantic relationship but that is a laugh) taught me quite a lot in this regard. 

Waking up from a relationship with one of them is stunning, breathtaking and absolutely horrendous and horrifying. (That’ll make her smile. Oh well. The truth tax). What happens is, they’ve set up ways and booby traps which make sure that you clearly know that this person had nothing but malice for you the entire time. They cyber stalk. The list is endless really. You’ll read an old text and see embedded language (if you get a sick enough fuck) 

I actually learned about neurological linguistics programming just reading my ex’s texts. 

I went from not knowing what any of that was. Or that NLP even existed. To discovering thru google searches describing things I would find or remember. That’s how I learned and woke up to the reality of NPD. Typing things in, which registered suspicion. You can’t help but become sigmund Freud and Columbo rolled into one. You basically have too. That is, if you want to recover. (Side note. I love learning now. It’s fun to learn. Broadens so much. I think many of us assume (society reinforced) that once we reach a certain age that faculty is dulled if not gone. But it’s not. It’s very much alive. ) 

You’ll learn a lot. and if you embrace the change and lean into it, it becomes the craziest catapult into mental health going. Sometimes I wonder if they’re angels or demons? On the surface they act in awful ways. Really really awful. But if you can lean into the healing. You’ll find avenues of momentum in many areas, which were limping along or else stalled completely. 
“Sometimes you have to look at what your enemy did to defeat you in order to find your strengths..” 
So back to NLP (short for neuro linguistics programming ) 
They know how influential words are. They know about the power of words. And most importantly they know about the power of words and suggestion and repetition. 
Can I quickly repeat the fact that I was a caved in being at discard. The Iron Maiden song “two minutes to midnight ” is going thru my head now. And midnight would be death. And the two minutes would be about the amount of time I had left. 

I say this to say… I learned the very hard way all about the power of words and suggestions. I mean found out about it, all the way down to my core. It was the hard way but the crucial thing is. 

I FUCKING LEARNED. and learned forever. You can’t unlearn that. Shit, I’ll have to leave this mortal coil and get reborn again a good ten or twenty times before I forget that. 
“Sometimes you have to look at what your enemy did to defeat you in order to find your strengths..” 
So how is that now a strength?
Well the short and long answer is. 
MEDITATION 

MEDITATION 

MEDITATION 

and yes please I believe I’ll have another order of 

MEDITATION 

OH WHY NOT ?! Yes please 

Another round of 

MEDITATION 

For everyone. 

You stop approaching things in this half hearted way. I can’t quite describe the level of motivated I was to heal. Reclaim my dignity. Reclaim my pride. Reclaim my mind. It’s weird thing to have it stolen. It’s a humiliating thing to know or to find out how easily it can be done (particularly those of us raised in that environment) but it’s also an extremely powerful lesson, and one that you will be sitting with whether you like it or not for many months to come. So get comfortable with it. Make it into your favorite teddy bear. 
It’s a small leap from the degradation of the message into the meditation of the message. 
Meditation (or self hypnosis) is a state in which beyond connecting in a very intimate way with your higher power, you dream big into the infinite quantum field of possibilities, and there you deliver / rewire and rewrite or subconscious. You open your body into the process as well and intuitively train it to rise to the emotion of your dreams. 
And there you create a kind of loop. But this is a loop you WANT to be stuck in. This is no kind of bummer. 
Essentially at this point you are practicing a much deeper version, a much more powerful version of what your enemy was using to destroy you, but you are using it to heal yourself. And from there, it’s not a big leap to just how incredible this resource is. It can not only heal what’s been done to you. It can be like a psychic trampoline into a much more fulfilling, affluent and giving future and present. 
That’s enough for now. Those other writing prompts ain’t going nowhere and I kinda feel like meditating now. 
Said it before, will now say it again. Dr. Joe Dispenza is yer man to YouTube search and research and meditate. It’ll set ya free. 

Namaste. 

One Comment on “Sigmund Freud Columbo 

  1. I’m on a similar path. Thank you so much for sharing. I would love to hear more about boundaries and how they create a domino effect, whenever you get to it. I’m just learning about boundaries now. At 48. Never too late!

    Like

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