The gifts that have been waiting to come  

Why it’s important to maybe say whatever you’ve been afraid to say? 

Because until you do you may never be really you. 

I discovered this recently having exposed the truth of losing my family to a disorder. Such a strange crossroads to come to and tho I don’t think everything about yourself should be transparent to everyone. I do believe (having just experienced it) that to carry the burden of a loss such as this in a confused secret (which is the calling card narcissism ) was too much for me to do any longer. Imagine losing your family and on top of that having to keep it quiet. It’s too much. Not to mention having to break down the endless funhouse spider web mirror echo maze dance of illusions that the disorder sets up on purpose to make anyone who speaks on it sound like a nut case. The ONLY way to defend yourself and tell a measured account of your side of things is to at first heal for long enough so that you don’t just come off as a complete basket case. Maybe if I continue this blog, in the future I can share earlier writings from the initial emergence of my awareness of what was happening to me and what others were intentionally doing. (Which at the time I simply could not believe) I went about studying this disorder every which way but loose. That turned out to be an incredible gift tho because nothing has motivated me TO STUDY like waking up to NPD. And the side affect of “learning” was to reawaken the high pleasure of that. Thru studying some science which Joe Dispenza calls The modern day language of the mystical. Because people don’t put walls up as much when discussing science as they do when religion comes to the fore. I learned that when you learn new things you create many new pathways in the brain. The time to learn is always. And it’s a gas. But back to keeping all this to myself. The weight was doing me more harm than I knew. (Another calling card of the disorder.) It does it’s damage behind the scenes and the only evidence it leaves is usually the outbursts of the victims. I went from being very grounded to in a cell, when the final straw came down on my back. And that’s when I knew I needed to get safe. That’s when I knew that to stay in this abusive circle was to bring about certain destruction and death. I set about in the business of liberation full time soon after that. Which brings me to my last point in this short post, which is this. My airing this out isn’t an offensive. It’s defensive and it’s my only defense. In the short time since I took this plunge Ive come to know fuller aspects of my self/spirit, as they simply emerge. I could walk more upright. I could look anyone in the eyes without fear or aggression and the response in my environment is palpable. Your environment is central to your health and ability to fully express yourself. And by environment I’m speaking mainly (only) about your internal environment. When you let yourself be seen and heard you honor the universe within you. And when you do that new insights come thru. You release blocked energy and you allow the universe to finally give you the gifts that have been waiting to come. 

One Comment on “The gifts that have been waiting to come  

  1. After reading this extremely relateable post i was reminded of what a friend of mine said to me weeks ago – Secrets make you sick. Its just so true. So, so true. Excellent post. I keep reading it .. best of luck on the road to recovery.

    Like

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